It is a pride thing

I don’t like to cry. I think of myself strong enough to handle life, and crying is not done by people that are strong. Well, at least that is how I felt. This came by email today. Read it carefully, I did. It spoke directly to me. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20 "...Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that's about it. That's the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now..." I am not sure from which translation this was taken. I only know this is the translation that spoke loud and clear to me after a very unexpected happening. The part that struck me was to make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what's given and delighting in the work. It's God's gift! God deals out joy in the present." Accept what God gives. I am better, much better at giving than I am at receiving. I know I don’t deserve anything as I have done nothing to promote others giving to me. I just like to give. Is that pride? Well, we all know it is. God is busy teaching me to be gracious in my ability to accept the gifts of others. What a hard lesson I am learning. God will lead me down the same path until I “get it” Oh, how I hate traveling the same road over and over, but I am wearing a rut in this one, the one that leads to being able to accept things from others without trying to ‘out do’ their kindness. I know many of you are aware of my health issues and their leading me to be less of a do’er than I have ever wanted to become. I thought my problems stemmed from getting older only to find out I am being consumed with an illness that has taken twenty years to act up. The symptoms came on slowly which gave me the notion I was just too old to do things now. Ah, the dreams we tell ourselves. So, back to the kindness I have been shown. I enjoy springtime and all the flowers it brings. I like sitting on my deck listening to the birds, enjoying the beautiful flower garden. This year the whole thing would be a hay field if not for my church family, with one friend in particular who has made countless trips out here to help me. Actually, I sit, she works. That is just not right! I should be helping. I feel useless like I am taking her away from her family, but she keeps coming. She even takes me to get flowers or items I need from the store. She never complains, just asks what else I need. She as well as her husband spent an entire day putting weather seal on my deck after another gentleman did the power wash. Another group spend an entire day weeding as well as cleaning my beautiful garden and yard. One man even cleaned the gutters on the house. A huge stump that sat between me and my neighbor is no longer there. I was amazed when I saw it gone. Did I mention, not one person asked to be paid! Do you see a pattern here? These are all Christians who are doing as the Bible asks. I am blessed. While all this yard work was going on three others were installing another kitchen stove for me. The old one had been so overworked the door would not shut properly. The stove? Well it too was given to me by a lady at church. I look at it in amazement because I think it is so nice. The cost, you ask. Not a dime. The only chore I had to do was clean the floor and wall before the workers put the new stove in place. Then later I discovered one cannot judge a stove by its looks. For some reason the oven will not light! I don’t know why, one of the men from church does not know why. I haven’t stressed a lot about this as I know in time God will send the right person to fix the problem. Today was the day. A lady I met on an online yard sale stopped by to bring me part of a mixer I had purchased from her. That mixer was a total blessing. I could never afford to buy a Kitchen Aid mixer, they are well above my price range. This one which she had for sale was pricy for me, but well worth what she asked. I just stand looking at it knowing I can now mix pie crust with ease. Well, I could if the oven would work! I thought back to the days when we cooked on a coal stove feeling rather at peace just having the burners working. As we sat visiting another Christian came in with three containers of canning jars. She too had a yard. I asked her how many and how much. If the price was right I would take them all. Her answer; “for you, Hazel the price will be right. I will take $10 for all of them”. That indeed was a more than fair price as at the store it would have been a lot more. While those two ladies were talking, my neighbor came in. We were really enjoying our time together. Then came the bombshell. I was told I was going to be given a new stove. The Internet friend and her husband want to buy me a stove that will last until I am too old to cook! Good thing I was sitting. I did what I am too strong, to self-reliant to do. I cried openly. Right there in front of everyone, I cried. I wanted to scream NO! You can’t do that, but this voice inside said; Learning to take is really a pride issue, Hazel. Accept what is being offered or go down this road until you are chin deep in the rut. I will take you through again if you don’t let go of the pride. Just accept. I am learning accepting help is just as important as giving help. Is it easy for me, not by a mile! All my mind can focus on is the willingness of an almost complete stranger purchasing for me what I would not be able to have. I had already started the process of saving to get a stove. Giving up TV puts a little more back. Cutting out the Internet on my phone cut that bill in half. It would have been a long struggle, but I was willing to manage on my own. All I can do now is just sit and shake my head. I see in my mind how Jesus hung on the cross just for me. He did not have to, He wanted to. He purchased for me something I could never purchase myself. I could never live a perfect life, so I needed a Savior to pay the price I could not pay. He did it willingly, asking nothing from me except my belief that He did care for me enough to pay a price I could never afford. I am not sinless, so dying on the cross would not be something I could do. How grateful I am for his unselfish love.